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Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Truth—Stranger than Fiction

"Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is, because fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; truth isn't.—Mark Twain

"Well, isn't that special." —Church Lady, Saturday Night Live

Church Ladies with Typewriters Strike Back

They're baaaaack—church bulletin bloopers. Just more proof that you cannot trust spellchecker.

Food and Fellowship

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM—prayer and medication to follow.

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

Music Ministry

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

Children's and Youth Ministry

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

Ministries

Don't let worry kill you off—let the Church help.

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.

Volunteers Needed

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

Say What?

The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge—Up Yours.'

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

1 comment:

Scoti Domeij, Director, Springs Writers said...

On Facebook, Julie commented, "This is hilarious!"