Monday, August 24, 2009

Funny Newspaper Headlines

"A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs. It's jolted by every pebble on the road."—Henry Ward Beecher

Kids make nutritious snacks

Include your children when baking cookies


Plane too close to ground, crash probe told

Something went wrong in jet crash, experts say


Man fatally murdered

Haddock tried for murder

Gunman shot by 999 cops

Drug baron hides crack in pants

Couple slain; police suspect homicide

Two convicts evade noose, jury hung

Drunks get nine months in violin case

Juvenile court to try shooting defendant

Pot-smoking Whoopi says back off Phelps

Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers

Body scan on drugs runner reveals $4000 in crack

Second man found shot dead in car in Riviera Beach

Man sentenced to death for second time in two years

Anyone who breaks the law is at risk of being arrested


Mad cow chases farmer with ax

Panda mating fails; veterinarian takes over

Munching Swedish beaver causes blackout


Iraqi head seeks arms

War dims hope for peace

British left waffles on Falkland Islands


Local schools eye cuts

Teacher strikes idle kids

Local high school dropouts cut in half

Mrs. Ryedeils bust revealed to a nearby school

If strike isn't settled quickly, it may last a while

Safety experts say school bus passengers should be belted


Miners refuse to work after death

Man found dead in city cemetery

Typhoon rips through cemetery; hundreds dead

Stiff opposition expected to casketless funeral plan


Farmer bill dies in house

Council to stamp on dog mess

William Kelly was Fed secretary

Clinton wins budget; more lies ahead

Roger Clemens arrives for hearing on steroids

Obama beats Hillary in Wisconsin. Hillary runs to Texas

Hillary wins Puerto Rico, race doesn't change


House passes gas tax onto senate

Astronaut takes blame for gas in space


Eye drops off shelf

Deaf mute gets new hearing in killing

Hospitals are sued by seven foot doctors

New study of obesity looks for large test group

Patient at death's door—doctor's pull him through

Blind people are seeing their way to the eye doctor


Shell found on beach

Stolen painting found by tree

Is there a ring of debris around Uranus?

Man struck by lightning faces battery charge

Sun blamed for warming of earth and other worlds


Milk drinkers are turning to powder

Royals to get a taste of angels' colon

Quarter of a million Chinese live on water


Family of 17 defects from North Korea

Would-be women priests appeal to pope

Two sisters reunited after 18 years in checkout line

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